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    hardie karges 7:45 pm on February 11, 2008 Permalink | Reply
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    Vaqueros 

    Mexicans were the original cowboys of the American West, as attested in such Spanish-derived words as ‘buckeroo’, ‘lasso’, ‘chaps’, ‘rodeo’, etc.  Before wresting Texas from Mexico, Americans learned from the locals how to work the thousands of longhorn cattle grazing there on public land and put it to good use when the Civil War was over and the industrialized North was hungry for cheap Texas beef.  So they built railroads.  The golden age of the free-range cattle drives lasted only twenty years, but made a more lasting impression on the American psyche as the era that most represents the American personality.  The impact on Mexico was probably even greater, where to this day, ‘western wear’ stores can be found lined chock-a-block in any western Mexican city and a great many others, also.  Similarly, Plains Indians are considered the typical war bonnet American Indians, though their entire history as horsemen hunting buffalo barely spans a hundred years.  Their ancestors apparently hunted the native American horse to extinction 8-10,000 years ago after fifty million years of evolution, only to be re-introduced in highly-evolved breeds by those same Spaniards who taught the Americans vaquerismo.  Thus a long evolutionary and geographical cycle was complete, in which horses established strongholds in central Asia, the Russian steppes, and northern Europe before finally being tamed and breed into the fierce fast fleet war horses of Parthian, Arabian, and European legend.  All this was before the Spanish used them as superior technology to subdue native Americans.

     
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    hardie karges 12:30 am on February 10, 2008 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , obesity   

    Mexicans in the Morning 

    Whatever it is that makes so many Native Americans obese seems to apply to Mexicans also, at least the border area; at least the women.  Maybe they just can’t digest the sugar.  Statistics for Indian diabetes and Indian obesity seem to parallel each other.  I think there was a study of Pima Indian DNA that proved that they, indeed, do have the ‘fat’ gene.  Of course, Mexicans aren’t exactly Indians, but they’re close.  There were never that many Europeans in Mexico at any one time, but there were enough that their mixed-blood progeny had a better chance of survival than the natives that they largely replaced.  Montezuma’s revenge comes in the form of Mexicans spilling over the border to the US, so that we’ll have mowed lawns, trimmed gardens and clean houses.  They find a convenient corner that serves as the day labor office in areas with Hispanic populations.  Drive by in the morning and cut your deal. 

     
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    hardie karges 1:29 am on February 9, 2008 Permalink | Reply
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    Night Life 

    The girls of Ensenada will never make a Playboy shoot.  I know that there are a lot of lonely people in the world, but this is ridiculous!  Nightlife in Mexico is surreal.  With their bouffant hairdos and gaudily painted faces, it’s like something from a dream, or a circus, or maybe just the past.  Mexican women are to normal women as Mexican food and music are to their ‘normal’ counterparts, an acquired taste.  Ensenada comes awake all of a sudden when the love-boat lands.  It’s like night and day.  The only thing I’ve seen like it is in Songkhla, Thailand, where bar girls watch and wait behind counters deadly silent, counting I guess, as if something will surely happen if only they wait long enough.  It does.  The foreign off-shore oil-field support workers come in, somebody rings the bell hanging over the bar, and all of a sudden the place is an uproar, with dancing and drinking erupting as if from a long dormant volcano.  Of course, nothing beats the ‘wookie bar’ along Sukhumvit in Bangkok for surrealism.  If you turned Thailand up on edge to sort out the loose nuts, this is where you’d go to pick them up.  Is this where you end up after cruising the parking lot of Shoney’s Big Boy in Jackson, Mississippi, as a teenager?  It’s bumper-to-bumper on a Saturday night in Ensenada.

     
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    hardie karges 1:18 am on February 8, 2008 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: Ensenada, , Oaxaca   

    Remembering Mexico 

    I miss Latin America.  I still use Ensenada as a base when I’m in North America much of the time but, well, those girls could use some Slim Fast.  Not that I’m looking for girls mind you, I’m happily married, but I like visually pleasing experiences.  I miss the old days.  Back then I’d disdain to even consider hanging in a border town, but back then ‘the interior’ was dirt-cheap.  Now they’re about the same, and I can use American services and be back in Mexico at will along the border.  But that’s a compromised situation.  Back in the old days southern Mexico was pristine.  Old women went bare-breasted in Pinotepa.  Puerto Escondido was a fishing village, with campsites for the American hippie-types filtering in to winter over in the sunshine.  You could get a licuado smoothie for the equivalent of an American quarter.  Usually those are milk or water-based.  These were orange-juice-based!  If you camped on the beach, a Frito bandito would even come by your campsite after you’ve turned in and hold you up at gunpoint, taking your cameras and otherwise lightening your load.  Now that’s service!  But Oaxaca was always good at that.  I can’t remember ever parking my truck on the city streets and not getting robbed.  I even got robbed with a screwdriver once.  Mix me a Molotov.  My Oaxacan friends swore that the thieves weren’t Oaxacans, or at least not ‘real’ ones.  Yeah, we never really had slaves in Mississippi, either.  A British friend swears that the British were reluctant colonizers.  

     
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    hardie karges 12:56 am on February 7, 2008 Permalink | Reply
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    Mexican Food 

    Of course Mexican food in US restaurants differs from Mexican restaurants ‘in country’ also.  There, it gets even more bizarre.  On the bright side, there’s mole, red or black or shades of brown intermediate, blood and chocolate made to order.  On the down side, there’s menudo, like the Puerto Rican pop group, literally bits and pieces of this and that, mostly tripe.  Remember Ricky Martin?  It’s an acquired taste I guess.  Once, in Mexico, I helped kill chickens for a party.  Actually I just watched, not horrified, because I’ve seen it before, but not inspired, either.  I think there were twenty to thirty of the little squawkers, throats carefully slit and blood collected in a large copper #3 washtub.  The pile of mole paste eventually covered an entire table before being put to the fire and made liquid to be ladled over boiled chicken.  Then we paraded around town with a picture of the Virgen de Guadalupe.  Chili pastes in Thailand and Mexico look very similar, actually.  The women don’t.  Both take on a fat content in Mexico that would put Thailand out of business.  That’s what happens when lard is one of your main ingredients, I guess.  That’s what makes those tortillas so creamy smooth.  North Thailand uses too much grease also, more than the central region, but what really bothers me is that the coconut milk in those curries seems to congeal at well above freezing temperature.  I don’t mean thick; I mean breakable.  Not as high as nitroglycerin freezing at 50 degrees F, but high enough that I see pictures of it in my mind blocking arteries.  Nevertheless, I still haven’t gotten used to internal body parts in my food.  If God had wanted me to see this stuff, he’d have put it out there in the open.       

     
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    hardie karges 1:03 am on February 6, 2008 Permalink | Reply
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    Northern Thai Food 

    Then there’s the dark side.  Northern Thailand has its own food, most famous of which is probably kaow soi, though more typical would be nam ngieow, a hot murky tomato-based concoction served over khanom jeen or rice noodles, and which people here in Chiang Rai go ape-shit over.  Ditto for gaeng awm, something like lahp that apparently got lost and then rescued a few days later, older but wilder.  They also go ape-shit over som tam, which is shredded unripe papaya salad mixed with peanuts, tomatoes, crab, hot peppers, and only God knows what else.  He still ain’t tellin’. If you’re eating papayas to help promote bowel movements, this’ll get you there in a hurry.  Naturally it’s eaten with sticky rice to help repair the damage.  Does raw papaya sound strange?  Thais also typically eat their mangoes green.  Go figure.  By the time they get ripe, supermarkets are discounting the price and I’m stocking up.  Some varieties are actually quite tasty green, but I can’t help feel they’re missing the boat on this one, ripe mango being one of the finer flavors in the world.  So, if you like green mangoes, hot spicy raw papaya salad, and gut-slashing spicy noodles, then northern Thailand might be just the ticket for you, especially if you like Mexican food already.  Mexicans in LA are some of the best customers for Thai food in the not-so-fancy restaurants. 

     
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    hardie karges 9:35 am on February 5, 2008 Permalink | Reply
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    More Thai Food 

    Thai food has taken its rightful place as one of the world’s most interesting cuisines, famous for the subtle blend of flavors to be found in its sweet and sour and spicy soups and creamy coconut-milk curries, such as tom yam goong, gaeng kieow wahn, gaeng mussaman, and tom kha gai.  The reality ‘in country’, of course, is a bit different.  First of all, the Thai food in overseas restaurants is from the central and southern regions predominantly.  Except for lahp, which is starting to be found more in the US, almost no dishes come from the north or northeast, which are more influenced by Burma and Laos, respectively, than the Malaysian-inspired dishes of the south.  Second, some popular dishes in US restaurants, like pat thai and kaow pat, are street food in Thailand, and quite different from the stylized US restaurant versions.  The curries and soups, on the other hand, might be difficult to find in street stalls in Thailand and spring rolls next to impossible.  That’s Vietnam.  Probably the single most popular street food in Thailand, though, noodle soup, also originally from Vietnam, would be hard to find in a US-based Thai restaurant. 

     
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    hardie karges 2:12 am on February 4, 2008 Permalink | Reply
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    Sticky Rice 

    Somebody needs to clear the air on the subject of ‘sticky rice’.  Some people talk about it and pay tribute without real knowledge of what it really is.  Sticky rice is not rice that somebody came along and decided to make sticky for reasons of good taste, nor for reasons of tasting good.  Sticky rice is a different breed; ‘glutinous’ rice is probably a better word.  It has more protein and is a favorite of village people (no, not THOSE village people) in Southeast Asia, particularly Thais and Tais and Dais (yes, related).  The brown sticky stuff can even be had in Laos.  It goes good with opium, unless you’ve got constipation.  Kidding aside, actually it goes good with hot raunchy stuff like lahp or somtam, since the diarrheic tendencies of those delicacies tend to balance out the constipatory tendencies of sticky rice.  Eat it with your hands.  You are what you eat, remember.  Of course city people don’t condescend to nibble rice-balls dunked in chili paste.  They only eat the finest ‘pretty’ ‘sweet-smelling’ ‘jasmine’ rice, stripped of every last vitamin and amino acid until fit for the mouth of Manu.  What indeed hath God wrought?  Of course, sticky rice can be further ‘stickified’ by cooking in coconut milk and served with mango as a dessert.  Now you can melt the hearts and minds of the most hardened city-dweller with this tasty dish.  But you better stock up on laxative or lahp, because this is triple constipation.  I ate this dish once a day for a week about ten years ago, and haven’t had a good shit since.

     
  • Unknown's avatar

    hardie karges 5:03 am on February 3, 2008 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: chilies, , Mexican food, Tailand   

    Hot and Sabai-see 

    Thai food is an experiment in danger.  My life as a whole takes place in a test tube, and my love life as a (w)hole has been declared a disaster area eligible for federal relief, but my stomach is hereby off-limits.  I’ve done my days on the business end of a molcajete to the point that it became a health problem.  Chips and salsa was my religion long before salsa began to catch up with ketchup as the best-seller in the condiment section, long after crossing over from the pickled peppers department.  That was before Thailand.  That was under the influence of Mexico, when you simply added the BTU’s you needed to one of the variations on corn, beans, beef, salad, and cheese splayed out before you.  In Thailand they like to cook it in for flavor.  As a matter of fact, they like to cook a lot of things in for flavor that aren’t supposed to be eaten, so you end up pulling weeds out of your mouth most of the day.  With peppers it’s usually too late.  To add insult to injury, you’ll get to re-live the experience when it comes out the other end.  They call it prik, yes, pronounced just like that.  I think there’s some subliminal onomatopoeia in that word; it’ll definitely prick your consciousness, especially those little ones, likened to the rat shit pellets they resemble.  Poor country folks frequently eat nothing but sticky rice and chili paste to get them through the day, whereas city folk are more likely to eat fresh peppers in prepared dishes.  Don’t forget to wear protection.  That’s what sticky rice is for, to plug up the holes that the peppers blast in you.  Don’t handle your penis immediately after handling peppers, or you’ll be sorry.  Enough said.

     
  • Unknown's avatar

    hardie karges 2:54 am on February 2, 2008 Permalink | Reply
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    Thai Food 

    Thailand is all about entertainment, fun fun fun, and more than anything else, that means food, both within country and without.  Hardly a word gets spoken or a song gets sung in Thailand without the obligatory munchies to accompany it.  Thais make Italians look like dilettantes around a table.  The first Thai restaurant opened its doors in LA in the early 1980’s, and the rest is history.  Thais may be a little slow off the starting block, but they’re experts at emulating a successful formula.  The Thai word for ‘recipe’ in fact is the same as for a course of study, derived from the Sanskrit word ‘sutra’.  Thai food is some of the best in the world, but deviate from a recipe and you can hear grumbling around the table.  It became what it is by incorporating the local dishes from the areas they populated and conquered, and the influences absorbed and incorporated.  Thus Malaysian curries became Thai curries, though that fact would likely never be acknowledged in polite company.  ‘Thai-ness’ is a very dearly held concept, sacrosanct and inviolable.  Nevertheless, these dishes are largely unknown in non-Siamese, though very ‘Tai’, Laos, Shan state Burma, Xishuangbanna China, and northwestern Vietnam, and the process has become extinct and the results standardized, in Thailand itself.  To me the best cooks would create spontaneous masterpieces with no recipe at all.  The first food to have been cooked anywhere in the world may well have occurred in what is now Guangdong, China, likely the ancestral home of the Thai.

     
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