Sticky Rice

Somebody needs to clear the air on the subject of ‘sticky rice’.  Some people talk about it and pay tribute without real knowledge of what it really is.  Sticky rice is not rice that somebody came along and decided to make sticky for reasons of good taste, nor for reasons of tasting good.  Sticky rice is a different breed; ‘glutinous’ rice is probably a better word.  It has more protein and is a favorite of village people (no, not THOSE village people) in Southeast Asia, particularly Thais and Tais and Dais (yes, related).  The brown sticky stuff can even be had in Laos.  It goes good with opium, unless you’ve got constipation.  Kidding aside, actually it goes good with hot raunchy stuff like lahp or somtam, since the diarrheic tendencies of those delicacies tend to balance out the constipatory tendencies of sticky rice.  Eat it with your hands.  You are what you eat, remember.  Of course city people don’t condescend to nibble rice-balls dunked in chili paste.  They only eat the finest ‘pretty’ ‘sweet-smelling’ ‘jasmine’ rice, stripped of every last vitamin and amino acid until fit for the mouth of Manu.  What indeed hath God wrought?  Of course, sticky rice can be further ‘stickified’ by cooking in coconut milk and served with mango as a dessert.  Now you can melt the hearts and minds of the most hardened city-dweller with this tasty dish.  But you better stock up on laxative or lahp, because this is triple constipation.  I ate this dish once a day for a week about ten years ago, and haven’t had a good shit since.